language warning (duh?)

Oh hey, Deadpool & Wolverine is out on streaming (and it’s been a while since I reviewed or even watched a movie). Let’s rewatch these!

From the studio that inexplicably sewed his fucking mouth shut the first time comes five-time Academy Award viewer, Ryan Reynolds in an eHarmony date with destiny. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… me! Deadpool.

I… totally forgot that this movie starts with the highway shootout scene that made the demo reel. That’s such a ridiculously over the top, perfectly Deadpoolish (Deadpooly?) scene.

You’re probably thinking, “My boyfriend said this was a superhero movie, but that guy in the red suit just turned that other guy into a fucking kabab!” Well, I may be super, but I’m no hero. And yeah, technically, this is a murder. But some of the best love stories start with a murder. And that’s exactly what this is, a love story. And to tell it right… I gotta take you back to long before I squeezed this ass into red spandex.

And it just goes downhill from there.

The humor swings from crude to 4th wall breaking to over the top and sometimes to all three. The gore is all over the place. The plot is … not anything particularly new. The relationship with Vanessa is sweet–in a really weird way. I do enjoy seeing Morena Baccarin; it’s been a while since she was in Firefly and Stargate.

All the rest of the cast? Forgettable. Karan Soni’s Dopinder is fine and I do enjoy T.J. Miller as Weasel well enoughn. But really, it’s Ryan Reynolds finally getting the chance to do Deadpool–and that’s really enough to carry the movie.

Really, I’m just amazed they got this made.

And not only that… but this and two sequels!

You’re still here? It’s over. Go home! Oh, you’re expecting a teaser for Deadpool 2. Well, we don’t have that kind of money. What are you expecting, Sam Jackson show up with an eyepatch and a saucy little leather number? Go, go.

Oh, but I can tell you one thing and it’s a bit of a secret. In the sequel, we’re gonna have Cable. Amazing character. Bionic arm, time travel. We have no idea who we’re gonna cast yet but it could be anybody. We just need a big guy with a flat top. Could be Mel Gibson, Dolph Lundgren, Keira Knightley, she’s got range, who knows? Anyway, big secret, ssshhhh. Oh and don’t leave your garbage all lying around. It’s a total dick move. Go. Chicka-chickahhhh.