This book contains thirty stories about the children and teachers at Wayside School. But before we get to them, there is something you ought to know so that you don’t get confused.

Wayside School was accidentally built sideways.

It was supposed to be only one story high, with thirty classrooms all in a row.

Instead it is thirty stories high, with one classroom on each story. The builder said he was very sorry.

Such a weird book. Some of the stories are … questionable. But still a fun read.

Man the original illustrations are weird.

• Mrs. Gorf: Wonderfully weird introduction.
• Mrs. Jewls: Seems perfectly normal… compared to Mrs. Gorf. I wonder if she’s actually an upgrade though.
• Joe: Counting is hard yo.
• Sharie: It would take 4-5 seconds and she’d be falling almost 100 mph or 160 km/h.
• Tood: Sense of justice tingling.
• Bebe: Something about the nature of Art.
• Calvin: Didn’t not deliver no note to no one.
• Myron: I’d vote for him.
• Maurecia: Flavorful.
• Paul: They’re… talking to him?
• Dana: Now I’m itchy.
• Jason: Thoroughly elementary.
• Rondi: She should have not delivered no note for Calvin.
• Sammy: … this is such a weird book.
• Deedee: Kickball.
• D.J.: 😄
• John: Better than standing on someone else’s head.
• Leslie: More than a little bit weird.
• …
• Kathy: Let the hate flow through you.
• Ron: Kick?ball.
• The THree Erics: Kids can be horrible to eqacha other.
• Allison: How the turntables.
• Dameon: That’s quite the workout.
• Jenny: MIB. Never explained. And that’s the best.
• Terrence: KICKBALL.
• Joy: Blame game. Oh Joy.
• Nancy: Trading names.
• Stephen: MRS. GORF!
• Louis:

Louis continued. “Now you might think the children there are strange and silly. That is probably true. However, when I told them stories about you, they thought that you were strange and silly.”

…

“For one thing,” Louis said, “none of these children has ever been turned into an apple.”

“That’s silly,” said Deedee. “Everybody’s been turned into an apple. It’s part of growing up.”

Louis continued. “Dead rats don’t walk into classrooms wearing raincoats.”

“What do they wear, tuxedos?” asked Todd.

“And girls never try to sell their toes,” Louis added.

“Well, no wonder,” said Leslie, “at today’s prices.”

Louis continued. “They don’t trade names or read upside down. They can’t turn mosquito bites into numbers. They don’t count the hairs on their heads. The walls don’t laugh, and two plus two always equals four.

“How horrible,” said Dameon.

“That’s not the worst of it,” said Louis. “They have never tasted Maurecia-flavored ice cream.”

A hush fell over the classroom.

“Mrs. Jewls, I’m scared,” said Allison. “Is there really a school like that?”

“Of course not,” said Mrs. Jewls. “Louis was just telling a story.